WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU... FUCKING ANXIOUS
- EMDR with Kalli
- Feb 2
- 2 min read
I had a double mastectomy & I didn't even have breast cancer
In 2025, I was diagnosed as high risk for breast cancer. Over the past several years, my healthcare team has monitored multiple lumps every six months via mammogram. It came up all too casually: "Maybe you should see a surgical oncologist to talk about your options."
Two weeks later, I was walking into the oncologist's office, completely unprepared to learn how high my risk for breast cancer was according to the Tyrer-Cuzick Risk Assessment. I walked out to my car afterward, had a cry, then spiraled into the worst anxiety I had ever experienced.
Within the next month, I had my first breast MRI, another uncertain finding that led to three biopsies, and a double mastectomy one month after that. It all happened so fast, and for that I'm grateful.
Breast cancer is certainly not a new concept within my family. My mother had it twice, my great-grandmother had it, my great-great-grandmother had it, my great aunt had it,... unfortunately, I could keep going.
"It ran in my family until it ran into me."
What surprised me the most about having a preventative mastectomy was that while I had to navigate a massive amount of grief after, my anxiety actually decreased. My whole life, I felt I had no choice but to have breast cancer someday. It was a constant anxiety. Every mammogram, every ultrasound, the thought in the back of my mind: it might be my turn.
Risk assessment and prophylactic mastectomy might have saved my life; at the very least, it allowed me to navigate mastectomy on my own terms rather than waiting for cancer to happen to me. Throughout this journey, I navigated anxiety, body-grief, and about a million other emotions.
EMDR was such a valuable part of my healing. It helped me to prepare and manage the fear of surgery and recovery. After surgery, we targeted the different points of distress: my mom's cancer; lying on the bathroom floor, crying from pain; feeling unsafe in my own body; and grief over how my body looked and felt post-mastectomy.
It's been almost a year, and I'm so relieved to report my body feels normal again. Most days, I don't even notice the scars. I would choose a preventative mastectomy again and again for the peace of mind I feel now.
If you're high-risk and need support, I offer mastectomy coaching for individuals all over the world. If you are unsure of your risk, click the button below or ask your healthcare provider to do a breast cancer risk assessment on your behalf.
IF BREAST CANCER HAS IMPACTED YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO NAVIGATE THIS ALONE.
