WHEN YOUR PARENTS GAVE YOU "CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL" INSTEAD OF SITTING WITH YOUR FEELINGS
- EMDR with Kalli
- May 25
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 11
THERAPY FOR SURVIVORS OF EMOTIONAL NEGLECT
Some of us grew up in homes where emotions were not exactly ignored, but they also were not really held.
Maybe your parents cared. Maybe they loved you deeply. Maybe they were doing the best they could with what they had. But when you were sad, anxious, overwhelmed, heartbroken, ashamed, or afraid, they did not always know how to sit beside you in the middle of it.
Instead, they handed you a book.
Maybe it was Chicken Soup for the Soul. Maybe it was an inspirational quote, a devotional, a quick life lesson, a story about someone who had it worse, or a reminder to “look on the bright side.”
And while those things may have been meant to help, they may have also left you feeling very alone.
Because sometimes a child does not need a lesson.
Sometimes a child does not need perspective.
Sometimes a child does not need to be inspired, corrected, redirected, or reminded that everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes a child needs a parent to sit on the edge of the bed and say, “That makes sense. I’m here. You don’t have to figure this out by yourself.”
Many adults who struggle with anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, emotional shutdown, or feeling “too much” grew up learning that their feelings needed to be managed quietly and quickly. They learned to read the room. They learned to calm themselves down before they made anyone uncomfortable. They learned to make their pain more convenient.
This can happen even in loving families.
Emotional neglect is not always loud or obvious. It is not always a parent being cruel, absent, or intentionally dismissive. Sometimes emotional neglect looks like a parent who provided for you, prayed for you, bought you books, gave you advice, and still did not know how to emotionally attune to you.
So instead of learning, “My feelings are safe here,” you may have learned, “My feelings are a problem to solve.”
Instead of learning, “Someone can stay close to me when I am overwhelmed,” you may have learned, “I need to become easier to deal with.”
Instead of learning, “I am worthy of comfort,” you may have learned, “I should be grateful, move on, and stop making this such a big deal.”
This is why, as an adult, you may find yourself over-explaining your emotions. You may apologize for crying. You may feel guilty for needing reassurance. You may shut down when someone asks what you need because no one ever really taught you that your needs mattered.
You may also find yourself drawn to stories, quotes, podcasts, books, and self-help tools because those were the safest forms of comfort you knew. And there is nothing wrong with finding meaning in words. Books can be beautiful. Stories can be healing. Encouragement can matter.
But a book cannot replace emotional presence.
A quote cannot replace being comforted.
A lesson cannot replace being known.
When children are hurting, they do not just need information. They need connection. They need nervous system support. They need someone bigger, steadier, and safer to help them make sense of what they are feeling.
And if you did not receive that consistently, it makes sense that emotions may feel overwhelming now. It makes sense that you may intellectualize your pain, minimize your needs, or feel embarrassed when you cannot “just get over it.”
Trauma therapy and EMDR therapy can help you gently explore the moments when you were left alone with feelings that were too big to hold by yourself. EMDR can help process the beliefs that may have formed in those moments, like “I am too much,” “My feelings are a burden,” “No one will show up for me,” or “I have to handle everything on my own.”
At WellKind Mental Health in Sarasota, we understand that healing is not about blaming your parents or dismissing the ways they tried. It is about telling the truth about what you needed and did not receive. It is about learning that your emotions are not too much. Your needs are not inconvenient. Your younger self was not asking for too much by wanting comfort.
Maybe your parents gave you Chicken Soup for the Soul because that was the best emotional tool they had.
But now, healing can look like giving yourself something different.
Presence.
Compassion.
Support.
A safe place to feel what you had to rush through.
And maybe, for the first time, the chance to learn that your feelings do not have to be turned into a lesson before they are allowed to matter.
